I’ve been trying to consciously write some more, and so when Mr UrbanVox himself was offering guest blog posts I jumped at the chance. And here the post is…
I’m 28. My sister is 20.
I remember vividly being her age. I remember the agonising sense of crushing self-awareness – but not the good kind; the kind which left me worrying for days about what people thought of me and how I was being perceived.
Now don’t get me wrong, that feeling isn’t 100% gone. I still care about what people think of me – albeit quite a bit less – but walking through a drizzly George Square today thinking about what I wanted to guest post, I found myself strangely at ease with myself. Sure, I have things I’d like to change about myself but as I approach my 30s I feel like I’m really starting to feel comfortable with who I am, deep down.
I’m far more confident in airing my views, and less hesitant to be open to criticism. I don’t look 100% the way I would like to, but I’m starting to recognise that I do have my own sense of style. Fashionable? No, not really – but would I really want to follow mainstream fashion? Now I have the confidence to be able to emphatically say I don’t.
And as I grow this heightened sense of who I am and what I want, I realise that some of the decisions I’ve made have been ‘non-traditional’, and it’s dealing with that around people who don’t necessarily know my choices I find most interesting.
To set the scene, I’m in a poly relationship. I have a boyfriend, and a girlfriend – both of whom I love very much. Partly out of a “those who need to know, know” mentality, most people I work with don’t know this. And so I found myself the other night talking to a work colleague on the way home in which he enquired about my love life. Common knowledge as it stands is that I have a boyfriend – and the fact that it’s that way around, never mind the fact I can’t yet feel like I can explain the full extent of my relationship is a whole other blog post – and so I found myself talking about how long we’d been dating and how it was going.
And then the million dollar question came up – as it inevitably does…
“Sounds like you’re really happy and it’s going well. Do you think it’ll become…you, know…*more* serious?”
And this is the part I want to concentrate on. From an early age, I’ve never really imagined myself the marrying, having children type. I’ve always maintained I have the right – as everyone does – to change my mind of course, but as things stand it’s just never been part of my manifesto. But expectations still currently stand that you date, you get engaged, you get married, you have kids etc etc. (order of course variable!)
I’m very happy with my life. I love my flat where I live alone. I love spending time with my boyfriend, and my girlfriend, and them both. I love hanging out with friends. I would love even more to not get a weird look when I find myself explaining that my life is good where it is.
I don’t see my relationships on a scale of more ‘serious’ = more happy. I’m very serious about both of my relationships, and I’m very comfortable with where I am with them both. There’s something very freeing about being able to remove myself completely from the constructs of traditionalism. If this is what approaching my 30s has taught me, then bring it on.