What being poly has taught me…

Or rather…what being in a positive poly relationship has taught me…

This is a response post to Poly Means Many where this month their topic was on what being poly has taught them.

I’m coming at this from a slightly different slant, purely because years ago I was in a poly relationship which was an example of every single relationship negative there could be. And it’s only recently that I’ve realised it wasn’t the poly aspect of it that made it a negative experience, but other factors.

Coming out of that relationship I (wrongly) thought I couldn’t do a poly relationship. I thought I would be distrusting, after years of lies. I thought I would struggle to be in a relationship with someone who loved another person. I thought I wouldn’t open up to one person, never mind two.

I don’t want to dwell on the past, rather than focus on the current and the now. And the life I find myself living finds me happily, and yes surprisingly, in two very fulfilling relationships.

I’ve learned that a lot of my feelings are founded in my own low self-esteem and insecurity – and working that out has given me much greater control of how I feel within myself. I might not be confident yet, but I’ve somehow given myself permission to think I’m ok, sometimes. And that’s a step forward.

I’ve learned that it’s possible – and amazing – to love more than one person at a time. And been fully aware of feeling compersion (and known when it’s not been there, the reason why not).

The one thing which strikes me most about what I’ve learned from being poly, is not based on other people being in my life, but how much more I’ve paid attention to myself. How I’ve allowed myself to listen to what I’m thinking and feeling, and finding where that comes from.

I’m early in my journey – and I happen to think I’m very lucky to have found the people I have – and I’m sure there’s so much I still have to learn but I’m looking forward to it.

  3 comments for “What being poly has taught me…

  1. February 23, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    Learning more about yourself whilst loving/being loved more than you thought possible is a rather special treat, isn’t it? :-)

    • February 23, 2014 at 10:25 pm

      Absolutely – it’s probably the biggest surprise about this and something I wish I’d known when I’d been in mono relationships :) but everything happens for a reason and whether it’s poly or just where I’m at (and the lovely, amazing people I have around me) I’m very lucky to be able to be learning stuff about myself too :) x

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